We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
