i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
