So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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