I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
