We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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