your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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