So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
