I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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