if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
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