I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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