yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
