My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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