Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
