my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
