so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
