so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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