Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
