So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
