Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
