I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
