You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize