hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
