how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
