sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
