I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
