He uses pillows to masturbate.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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