you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
