you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Randomize
