She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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