My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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