My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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