Need sex. Gaining weight.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
