someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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