Your dad touched me again.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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