Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
