remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
