Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
