Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You pole danced in your parka.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize