I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Rumble strips road head = magical
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
