How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
