So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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