Im at strip club and am horny
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
