so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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