is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
