I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
