tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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