Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
