I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
