I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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