My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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