The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize