I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
