Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
