I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
