Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
