the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I need to calm my uterus...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
