The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
