It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
