and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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