sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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