Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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