party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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