Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it glows. i had to have it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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