Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
