Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
