I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
