I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
