Got a toothbrush?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
