I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
