i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
